I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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