She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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