my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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