Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
