I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
