I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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