I think i sorta joined a cult last night
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Rumble strips road head = magical
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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