Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
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They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
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Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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