So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
