he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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