he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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