He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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