pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
