we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
