My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
