I got chris browned last night
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
