I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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