lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
