she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
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apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
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She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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