i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I puked a lego.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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