I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
