Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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