Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
