I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Randomize
