Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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