I wish I could teleport
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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