He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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