she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
