so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize