I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
