Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
