he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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