Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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