I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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