If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
