I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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