Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
