So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
