she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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