Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
