I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
