ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
