I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
