I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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