i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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