i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
