Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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