I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
