ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
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I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
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I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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