i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
