The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
