I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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