Whoa Z and x make the same sound
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
