i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
