Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
