I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
