I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
this beer tastes like vomit already
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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