Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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