I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
