i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
