It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
