i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
