dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
