Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
