I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
