When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
